Vampire diaries season 4 episode 11

Saw my ex yesterday and my heart beat like crazy.
Do i still have feelings for him?
Hells no!

Then i watched vampire diaries,and heard stefan say to Elena that the reason she thinks he has changed is because she doesnt know him when he is not in love with her.
The exact same thing that happened between me and Sihle. I didnt know him when he stopped loving me. He became that guy he used to be before me and i wanted him to love me again. I need him to.
For a long time i blamed myself and hated myself for all the hurt and pain i put him through. Then i realised that i let him,he stopped loving me but i forced myself on him.
I know how unchristian it is of me but i still hate him. As long as there is no "Im sorry" from him then I think il need time to get over this myself.
Il need time,patience and alot of prayer.

I rushed into so many relationships after him and i kept trying to change the men i was with trying to stop from getting hurt. But all i needed was to give myself time to get over him. I dont care if it takes me a century to get over him but right now everything is about me and healing my wounds from my relationship with Sihle. I loved him ALOT and now i hate him just as much. Iv let go of loving him and now il take a while getting over hating him.
I just pray that the next time I decide to love without fear it will be for the last time because I dont think my heart can take loving and losing another Sihle.